Brave feats performed by Journalist Swati Ali
November 2005.
One day.
Location: The Indian Express, Journalism of Courage Office. Lalbaug.
One happy evening, Swati is merrily packing her bags because she has no story to write. Just as she hops and skips out of her cabin, she is stopped dead in her tracks by her then editor Mr RK.
RK, booming voice and all: He has been hospitalized! He has been hospitalized!!
Swati, who covers hospitals among other things goes pale. Not at this time.
She asks: who? who?
RK: Amitabh Bachchan (it was too big a name, else even this would have been repeated twice, in keeping with the spirit of the conversation)
Swati groans. And unpacks her bag to retrieve her notepad and pen. Thankfully he has been admitted in Delhi. So she dutifully calls her Delhi counterpart for details.
Swati: Ive heard ABs been admitted
Glum Delhi CP: ya...
Swati: (smiles consolingly) don't worry, he'l be out soon
Delhi CP: Im not worried. They are flying him to Bombay tonight... Lilavati I think... you're in luck!
Swati grinds her teeth, bears the sarcasm and sends the night reporter to Lilavati.
THE NEXT MORNING.
Swati takes a ric to Lilavati hospital. The autowala seems as well informed as any of her journalism colleagues.
He says: arre... waha toh bahut bheed hai... amitabh bachchan admit hai na?
Swati: haan... hum unhi se milne ja rahe hai
Sudden new found respect reflects in his face and he drives without talking too much. Swati likes doing such things sometimes and entertaining herself.
She has to get off and walk because there is too much traffic. When she reaches Lilavati, she sees people sitting on trees. (I don't know what they could see from the trees, but it's true. They were.) Lowering her vison, she sees people sitting on the walls. Still lower, there is a man sittng on the ground with cards. He is a fortune teller and is foretelling Bachchans fate. He is being covered by all the tv channels. Even her photographer is clicking away to glory.
Ah... R is there too... a photog from a rival newspaper whom she kinda likes. They shake hands and she asks him whats going on. He, like the rest, doesnt have a clue.
AFTERNOON.
No news on Amitabh. Swati knows she should get more proactive, but she is bored. Investigative journalism can wait.
By then the hot(??) channel chicks are tired of covering the fortune teller and their make up has smudged. The high and mighty Swati has refused to even look in his direction. So she has no news yet, not even of the fortune teller variety.
EVENING.
RK calls.
RK: so swati.. what news?
Swati suddenly rememberes she has been sent here to find news and not look at R from the corner of her eye.
She then goes about calling her contact, a doctor from the hospital.
Dr B: bolo swati...hamari yaad kaise aayi?
Swati: umm... isnt it obvious...?
Dr B: but i dont know anything... have had lots of surgeries today
Swati: oh...hmm... not even little?
Dr B: i'l try... but no giving out my name
Cuts the phone
After sometime.
Dr B: he has stomach ache
Swati: huh??
Dr B: arre...pet dukh raha hai uska
Swati: what rubbish... is that why we are standing in the heat from morning?? Because he has stomach ache??
Dr B: I always knew you journalists were stupid...
Swati: hullo! this sells you know that... anyways.. that is not what we were discussing...please get me more info
Dr B: ok... but no giving out my name
RK calls again.
RK (sounding worried now that his reporter may not be as good as he thought after all): what news?
Swati: he has stomach ache
RK: huh?? is that why i sent you? to tell me he has stomach ache??
Swati: but... but.. he does
RK: dont talk nonsense...atleast give me some medical term for stomach ache dammit!
Dr B calls again
Dr B: ok write that they are conducting various blood tests and x-rays along with a CT scan and an Ultrasound
Swati: thats better... makes it sound serious... what else?
Dr B: how do I know? You can say its food poisoning...
RK: what news?
Swati repeats what Dr B had to say.
RK: OH!!! THAT IS BIG!!! AMITABH SUFFERS FROM FOOD POISONING!! GOOD GOOD
Swati: uh huh
RK: now go find out what he ate to get food poisoning
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, this is just the beginning...
The next day,
Bachchan was in the ICCU (for stomach pain, no less) so there was no way our great journalist friend could ask him anything. Swati had not provided details of his eating habits to RK, so he was acting a bit weird.
Today, Swati had come to a realisation - that R was not worth it. She felt energised and decided to treat herself to a meal at Candies. Though it was just on the other side of the road, she could not take a chance and walk away from her watchpoint. What if Rekha decided to make an entry in those seconds?? So she decided to order. Though surprised at an address that said person standing outside Lilavati hospital, they humored her. No Rekha did not make an entry. Some cars did arrive but she could not see or recognise any of them. Everytime a car arrived the photographers would go berserk and start clicking hysterically. After the frenzy subsided discussions were held that went like this:
a: woh juhi chawla thi na?
b: juhi chawla??? juhi chawla kab aayi?
a: uske jaisi hi dikh rahi thi...ab pata nahi
(by then the news channel chicks had already gone live: "jaise aapne dekha (kisne??) isi waqt mashoor film abhinetri juhi chawla lilavati pahuch gayi hai...")
Burping after her meal, Swati starts talking to people. (Tip: if, by afternoon, you dont know what your report is going to look like, start talking to people. The oldest and most tried and tested story is that of people who have ventured from far and wide to pray for the subject under consideration).
conversations like:
Swati: aap yaha kyu khade hai?
a: amitji ko dekhne aaye hai
Swati: par woh toh icu mein hai
a: kabhi toh bahar niklenge... hum prathana kar rahe hai (not bad)
Swati: aap kaha se aaye hai?
a: hum toh yahi pichwade rehte hai.. (ugh! couldnt they have come from nagpur or something...pichwade it seems! waste!)
After talking to some more weirdos who have come to watch/pray for the subject, she decides to venture into unknown territory: the Lilavati reception. Nothing much of interest. So she decides to go to the canteen on the 5th floor. Only 6 floors away from the great superstar. Amitabh is on the 11th.
Once inside the canteen, like all perrenially hungry journalists, she feels her stomach beckon to her and she busies herself eating a thali. The next thing she knows is Abhishek Bachchan has strolled in with Ajitabh Bachchan. (For the record: Abhishek is NOT hot! The only reason I looked in his direction was because he was wearing glares inside the canteen without any naamo nishaan of the sun.) Anyways, the choice was between the thali and them and by the time she started inching closer to them they had disappeared into the lift. Sheesh! What if they were discussing ABs will??
Anyways, she went back to the thaali, finished it and went back into the reception. She reminded herself to carry a book the next day on to keep herself occupied. But then again... what would the others think...
Everyone here was busy trying to look serious and busy. Swati also tried to look like she had a lot of information about the man on the 11th floor (quite succesfully as R later said) but then got bored of the act and went back to being herself.
Swati used this time to get in touch with a lot of her friends whom she had not called in years. It was fun and also made everyone curious as to who she was talking to and what information was being given to her.
________________________________________________________________________________
"Diverticulitis of the small intestine"
Yes. That is what he had.
Thanks to Bachchan everyone got to know the correct spelling and pronounciation of the word diverticulitis. Journalists actually googled the word to find out what it meant. Diagrams were drawn with Amitji's body frame with his intestines and the diverticulitis obviously highlighted.
My editors would check and recheck before firing the page. No word had been given so much importance before. Bachchan was operated on and later put on liquid diet. Swati's job now was to find if he had orange juice for breakfast or coconut water. When he progressed to semi liquid diet, furious debates were held on whether he has mashed rice or mashed fruit pulp.
Lilavati had started ressembling a picnic spot. Reporters would sprawl on the lawns, doze off on the stairs, sit next to each other and debate whether the reporter from TOI looked cute or the one from HT.
More proactive reporters from the likes of Midday and Mumbai Mirror tried getting to the 11th floor via the fire exit. There they were then duly caught and sent back down to the ground floor.
One of the reporters, i forget which paper or TV channel, even dressed as a nurse or doctor or something and went to the 11th floor. He/she was caught and thanks to that, all the reporters were asked to stand outside the gate. No more sprawling on the well kept lawns of Lilavati.
Now, Swati had one ace. Her dad knew Bachchan personally. But he refused to visit him for some mysterious reason. Everyday, Swati, doing her best to sound concerned would ask him: Why don't you go visit him? He is really unwell
Dad: ukhjdsdj (she never could understand anything he said)
Swati: what?
Dad: jkglsa
Swati: ok
Finally he was alright and had to be discharged. Now newspapers started laying bets on when he would be. While reporters consulted astrologers etc. Swati had no such contacts. She only had her Dad who spoke in Greek.
RK: Swati, tommorows story is about when AB is going to be discharged. So find out.
Swati: But I dont think the doctors have decided on when to discharge him
RK: i don't care... you have to tell me the date
Swati makes a call
Dad: jgdask
Swati: Come down to Lilavati immediately
Dad: jlgasa
Swati: its urgent... he needs you
Dad: for what?
Swati: ok.... i need you. You need to go up and find out when he is getting discharged.
Dad: you are mad... its too hot.. gjkalsg... im not coming down
After much pleading he agrees.
He goes up, comes down and says: I spoke to Abhishek. He says he won't be discharged for the next five days.
ok...
The next day, Swati is woken up by her irritating cell phone. It's RK who sounds like one of those Hindi film fathers on hearing that their daughter is pregnant.
RK: Swati what have you done... we are doomed...we are doomed..
Swati: what what? what happened?
RK: (ominously) have you read the papers
Swati: oh fuck ... he was discharged last night?
RK: no... but all the papers except us say that he will be discharged today
Swati: umm...ok... but he won't
RK: how can you be so sure??
Swati: I have my sources
RK: (a little exasperated) what sources?? doctors hi toh hai! Abhishek ya Jaya ne toh nahi bola na?
Swati: ummm... kind of...
RK: what kind of?
Swati: Abhishek ne bola
RK: (silence) Abhishek told you?? (the incredulous tone irritated me but nevertheless)
Swati: no... he told my dad
RK: are you sure?
Swati: yes... i will ask my father to go visit him today also to confirm but i'm sure
RK: your father knows Amitabh??
Swati: ya...kind of..
RK: (sounding a little relieved) ok...we will see then... but you post yourself at Lilavati anyways.
ya ya... whats new...
The next day...
Swati walks in. Reporters are almost trying not to laugh their heads off looking at her. Reason: Swati is the only one who has reported that he wont be discharged today. Anyways she walks in with her head held high and her usual expression which says: i don't associate with you low down creatures.
A smartass reporter from Mid-day walks up to her and says: So why are you here today?
Swati: because my editor asked me to
Smartass: why? are you not confident about your report?
Swati: I am. He isn't.
Smartass: so you really think all of us have got it wrong and you have got it right?
Swati: Yes.
Smartass: Why? Has Abhishek told you or Amitabh himself
Swati: Abhishek (and walks off)
OH! His expression was priceless!
Anyways, he wasnt discharged that day. And RK almost threw a party in her honour. :P
One day.
Location: The Indian Express, Journalism of Courage Office. Lalbaug.
One happy evening, Swati is merrily packing her bags because she has no story to write. Just as she hops and skips out of her cabin, she is stopped dead in her tracks by her then editor Mr RK.
RK, booming voice and all: He has been hospitalized! He has been hospitalized!!
Swati, who covers hospitals among other things goes pale. Not at this time.
She asks: who? who?
RK: Amitabh Bachchan (it was too big a name, else even this would have been repeated twice, in keeping with the spirit of the conversation)
Swati groans. And unpacks her bag to retrieve her notepad and pen. Thankfully he has been admitted in Delhi. So she dutifully calls her Delhi counterpart for details.
Swati: Ive heard ABs been admitted
Glum Delhi CP: ya...
Swati: (smiles consolingly) don't worry, he'l be out soon
Delhi CP: Im not worried. They are flying him to Bombay tonight... Lilavati I think... you're in luck!
Swati grinds her teeth, bears the sarcasm and sends the night reporter to Lilavati.
THE NEXT MORNING.
Swati takes a ric to Lilavati hospital. The autowala seems as well informed as any of her journalism colleagues.
He says: arre... waha toh bahut bheed hai... amitabh bachchan admit hai na?
Swati: haan... hum unhi se milne ja rahe hai
Sudden new found respect reflects in his face and he drives without talking too much. Swati likes doing such things sometimes and entertaining herself.
She has to get off and walk because there is too much traffic. When she reaches Lilavati, she sees people sitting on trees. (I don't know what they could see from the trees, but it's true. They were.) Lowering her vison, she sees people sitting on the walls. Still lower, there is a man sittng on the ground with cards. He is a fortune teller and is foretelling Bachchans fate. He is being covered by all the tv channels. Even her photographer is clicking away to glory.
Ah... R is there too... a photog from a rival newspaper whom she kinda likes. They shake hands and she asks him whats going on. He, like the rest, doesnt have a clue.
AFTERNOON.
No news on Amitabh. Swati knows she should get more proactive, but she is bored. Investigative journalism can wait.
By then the hot(??) channel chicks are tired of covering the fortune teller and their make up has smudged. The high and mighty Swati has refused to even look in his direction. So she has no news yet, not even of the fortune teller variety.
EVENING.
RK calls.
RK: so swati.. what news?
Swati suddenly rememberes she has been sent here to find news and not look at R from the corner of her eye.
She then goes about calling her contact, a doctor from the hospital.
Dr B: bolo swati...hamari yaad kaise aayi?
Swati: umm... isnt it obvious...?
Dr B: but i dont know anything... have had lots of surgeries today
Swati: oh...hmm... not even little?
Dr B: i'l try... but no giving out my name
Cuts the phone
After sometime.
Dr B: he has stomach ache
Swati: huh??
Dr B: arre...pet dukh raha hai uska
Swati: what rubbish... is that why we are standing in the heat from morning?? Because he has stomach ache??
Dr B: I always knew you journalists were stupid...
Swati: hullo! this sells you know that... anyways.. that is not what we were discussing...please get me more info
Dr B: ok... but no giving out my name
RK calls again.
RK (sounding worried now that his reporter may not be as good as he thought after all): what news?
Swati: he has stomach ache
RK: huh?? is that why i sent you? to tell me he has stomach ache??
Swati: but... but.. he does
RK: dont talk nonsense...atleast give me some medical term for stomach ache dammit!
Dr B calls again
Dr B: ok write that they are conducting various blood tests and x-rays along with a CT scan and an Ultrasound
Swati: thats better... makes it sound serious... what else?
Dr B: how do I know? You can say its food poisoning...
RK: what news?
Swati repeats what Dr B had to say.
RK: OH!!! THAT IS BIG!!! AMITABH SUFFERS FROM FOOD POISONING!! GOOD GOOD
Swati: uh huh
RK: now go find out what he ate to get food poisoning
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, this is just the beginning...
The next day,
Bachchan was in the ICCU (for stomach pain, no less) so there was no way our great journalist friend could ask him anything. Swati had not provided details of his eating habits to RK, so he was acting a bit weird.
Today, Swati had come to a realisation - that R was not worth it. She felt energised and decided to treat herself to a meal at Candies. Though it was just on the other side of the road, she could not take a chance and walk away from her watchpoint. What if Rekha decided to make an entry in those seconds?? So she decided to order. Though surprised at an address that said person standing outside Lilavati hospital, they humored her. No Rekha did not make an entry. Some cars did arrive but she could not see or recognise any of them. Everytime a car arrived the photographers would go berserk and start clicking hysterically. After the frenzy subsided discussions were held that went like this:
a: woh juhi chawla thi na?
b: juhi chawla??? juhi chawla kab aayi?
a: uske jaisi hi dikh rahi thi...ab pata nahi
(by then the news channel chicks had already gone live: "jaise aapne dekha (kisne??) isi waqt mashoor film abhinetri juhi chawla lilavati pahuch gayi hai...")
Burping after her meal, Swati starts talking to people. (Tip: if, by afternoon, you dont know what your report is going to look like, start talking to people. The oldest and most tried and tested story is that of people who have ventured from far and wide to pray for the subject under consideration).
conversations like:
Swati: aap yaha kyu khade hai?
a: amitji ko dekhne aaye hai
Swati: par woh toh icu mein hai
a: kabhi toh bahar niklenge... hum prathana kar rahe hai (not bad)
Swati: aap kaha se aaye hai?
a: hum toh yahi pichwade rehte hai.. (ugh! couldnt they have come from nagpur or something...pichwade it seems! waste!)
After talking to some more weirdos who have come to watch/pray for the subject, she decides to venture into unknown territory: the Lilavati reception. Nothing much of interest. So she decides to go to the canteen on the 5th floor. Only 6 floors away from the great superstar. Amitabh is on the 11th.
Once inside the canteen, like all perrenially hungry journalists, she feels her stomach beckon to her and she busies herself eating a thali. The next thing she knows is Abhishek Bachchan has strolled in with Ajitabh Bachchan. (For the record: Abhishek is NOT hot! The only reason I looked in his direction was because he was wearing glares inside the canteen without any naamo nishaan of the sun.) Anyways, the choice was between the thali and them and by the time she started inching closer to them they had disappeared into the lift. Sheesh! What if they were discussing ABs will??
Anyways, she went back to the thaali, finished it and went back into the reception. She reminded herself to carry a book the next day on to keep herself occupied. But then again... what would the others think...
Everyone here was busy trying to look serious and busy. Swati also tried to look like she had a lot of information about the man on the 11th floor (quite succesfully as R later said) but then got bored of the act and went back to being herself.
Swati used this time to get in touch with a lot of her friends whom she had not called in years. It was fun and also made everyone curious as to who she was talking to and what information was being given to her.
________________________________________________________________________________
"Diverticulitis of the small intestine"
Yes. That is what he had.
Thanks to Bachchan everyone got to know the correct spelling and pronounciation of the word diverticulitis. Journalists actually googled the word to find out what it meant. Diagrams were drawn with Amitji's body frame with his intestines and the diverticulitis obviously highlighted.
My editors would check and recheck before firing the page. No word had been given so much importance before. Bachchan was operated on and later put on liquid diet. Swati's job now was to find if he had orange juice for breakfast or coconut water. When he progressed to semi liquid diet, furious debates were held on whether he has mashed rice or mashed fruit pulp.
Lilavati had started ressembling a picnic spot. Reporters would sprawl on the lawns, doze off on the stairs, sit next to each other and debate whether the reporter from TOI looked cute or the one from HT.
More proactive reporters from the likes of Midday and Mumbai Mirror tried getting to the 11th floor via the fire exit. There they were then duly caught and sent back down to the ground floor.
One of the reporters, i forget which paper or TV channel, even dressed as a nurse or doctor or something and went to the 11th floor. He/she was caught and thanks to that, all the reporters were asked to stand outside the gate. No more sprawling on the well kept lawns of Lilavati.
Now, Swati had one ace. Her dad knew Bachchan personally. But he refused to visit him for some mysterious reason. Everyday, Swati, doing her best to sound concerned would ask him: Why don't you go visit him? He is really unwell
Dad: ukhjdsdj (she never could understand anything he said)
Swati: what?
Dad: jkglsa
Swati: ok
Finally he was alright and had to be discharged. Now newspapers started laying bets on when he would be. While reporters consulted astrologers etc. Swati had no such contacts. She only had her Dad who spoke in Greek.
RK: Swati, tommorows story is about when AB is going to be discharged. So find out.
Swati: But I dont think the doctors have decided on when to discharge him
RK: i don't care... you have to tell me the date
Swati makes a call
Dad: jgdask
Swati: Come down to Lilavati immediately
Dad: jlgasa
Swati: its urgent... he needs you
Dad: for what?
Swati: ok.... i need you. You need to go up and find out when he is getting discharged.
Dad: you are mad... its too hot.. gjkalsg... im not coming down
After much pleading he agrees.
He goes up, comes down and says: I spoke to Abhishek. He says he won't be discharged for the next five days.
ok...
The next day, Swati is woken up by her irritating cell phone. It's RK who sounds like one of those Hindi film fathers on hearing that their daughter is pregnant.
RK: Swati what have you done... we are doomed...we are doomed..
Swati: what what? what happened?
RK: (ominously) have you read the papers
Swati: oh fuck ... he was discharged last night?
RK: no... but all the papers except us say that he will be discharged today
Swati: umm...ok... but he won't
RK: how can you be so sure??
Swati: I have my sources
RK: (a little exasperated) what sources?? doctors hi toh hai! Abhishek ya Jaya ne toh nahi bola na?
Swati: ummm... kind of...
RK: what kind of?
Swati: Abhishek ne bola
RK: (silence) Abhishek told you?? (the incredulous tone irritated me but nevertheless)
Swati: no... he told my dad
RK: are you sure?
Swati: yes... i will ask my father to go visit him today also to confirm but i'm sure
RK: your father knows Amitabh??
Swati: ya...kind of..
RK: (sounding a little relieved) ok...we will see then... but you post yourself at Lilavati anyways.
ya ya... whats new...
The next day...
Swati walks in. Reporters are almost trying not to laugh their heads off looking at her. Reason: Swati is the only one who has reported that he wont be discharged today. Anyways she walks in with her head held high and her usual expression which says: i don't associate with you low down creatures.
A smartass reporter from Mid-day walks up to her and says: So why are you here today?
Swati: because my editor asked me to
Smartass: why? are you not confident about your report?
Swati: I am. He isn't.
Smartass: so you really think all of us have got it wrong and you have got it right?
Swati: Yes.
Smartass: Why? Has Abhishek told you or Amitabh himself
Swati: Abhishek (and walks off)
OH! His expression was priceless!
Anyways, he wasnt discharged that day. And RK almost threw a party in her honour. :P
posted by another wanderer | Tuesday, April 01, 2008
|
4 comments
